My Notes:
It’s
about a new way of thinking.
In
other words, growing a pair has nothing to do with what’s between
your legs and everything to do with what’s between your ears.
Growing
a pair is a state of mind, an attitude, and a way of thinking. It’s
about giving up being a victim and taking control of your life at
every level. It is the willingness to do the right thing even when
everyone else is doing the wrong thing.
It’s
about establishing a standard by which you will live your life. It’s
about drawing lines in the sand.
It’s
about knowing yourself, knowing your values, and becoming
uncompromising in your willingness to do whatever it takes to stand
up for them.
We have become a society of weenies. I hate admitting that, but since
I am not a weenie, I will. For the most part, people are weak,
sniveling, whining, backstabbing, gossiping, spineless weenies and
let other people walk all over them.
All
of this has to stop. People need to speak up, step up, and behave
boldly! We need to update and personalize the great line from
Virgil’s Aeneid , “Audentes fortuna juvat!”—“Fortune favors
the bold!”
Standing
up for yourself is no longer a part of what we teach people. Instead,
we teach people to go along and get along.
We
encourage passiveness in our responses to bullies, to stupidity, and
to corruption. We tolerate poor performance, bad service,
inappropriate behavior, and other unacceptable practices. We have
made being nice and being liked more important than being respected.
Assertiveness is frowned upon.
Yet
when any of this lousy behavior happens and actually affects our
lives, people whine that they are being taken advantage of. Of course
they are! People are allowing this poor behavior.
All
of this must stop. We all need to grow a pair, act with
assertiveness, speak up for ourselves, take a stand, and refuse to
accept less than the best from others or from ourselves.
Remember:
You can’t change the world, but you can change your world.
Work
on you before you concern yourself with other folks.
Remember
that people change when they want to and not when you want them to,
so instead of worrying yourself with fixing everyone else, focus on
fixing yourself.
Most
importantly, live like you have a pair and set a good example so it
will rub off on those around you!
Those
who consider themselves to be the exception to the rule should
re-read the rule.
DO
YOU HAVE A PAIR?
ANSWER
THESE QUESTIONS:
Do you allow people to take advantage of you?
Do
your kids talk back to you?
Do you find yourself picking up the slack
for lazy coworkers?
Do you let people cut in front of you in line?
Do
you accept bad service without speaking up?
Do you eat cold food in a
restaurant rather than send it back?
Do you allow people you are
paying to be late for appointments?
Do you let things slide even
though it bothers you? Do you let your friends hurt your feelings,
and never say a word about it?
Do you often feel responsible for
other people and their feelings?
Do you find yourself unwilling to
express yourself for fear of offending someone?
Do you ever feel that
people don’t respect you?
Do you find yourself compromising your
opinions and beliefs in an effort to get along?
Do you ever feel like
you are being used?
Do people talk down to you?
Do people mistreat
you emotionally, verbally, psychologically, or physically?
People
who have a pair don’t offer up excuses or explanations. They face
the facts, take responsibility, and deal with the consequences.
And
they don’t put up with any of this crap!
GIVE
THIS LIST OF QUESTIONS A TRY:
Do you stand up for yourself and your
beliefs even in the face of conflict?
Do you feel in control of your
life?
Do you feel a sense of purpose and determination when you wake
up in the morning?
Do you recognize your problems as problems but
know that with some hard work and a little sweat you will get through
them?
When faced with overwhelming adversity, do you suck it up and
go to work on it?
Are you confident in your ability to deal with the
challenges of life?
When you make a mistake, do you take
responsibility for your actions?
Do you speak up when you see someone
else being mistreated?
When you get bad service, do you complain
politely and make your grievances known?
People
used to have a pair.
And
our parents’ generation had a pair. They didn’t take crap off of
anyone. If you were rude or insulting, someone knocked you on your
ass.
If
as a country you attacked us, we held you accountable and went to war
and kicked your ass.
We
went from “be responsible” to “be cool” and things fell
apart.
We
stopped holding people accountable for their mistakes to the point
where we enabled them and bailed them out. We got soft. When faced
with irresponsibility and stupidity, we told people to “let it
slide.” Well, we did let it slide and it slid straight into the
toilet!
People
want to be taken care of and don’t care who pays for it as long as
it’s not them!
People
actually believe they are owed a living while doing nothing on their
own to make sure they are employed or have any savings or that their
bills are paid. That’s why we have sixth generation welfare
recipients.
Bottom
line: People believe they are entitled to compensation for
consequences they brought on themselves due to their irresponsible
lifestyle and stupid choices.
Life
is your own damn fault.
The
original intent was to get people to realize that they had the power,
all within themselves, to change their results.
Somehow
the self-help movement shifted from self , which was the original
message, to help .
You
should read, study, think, and work . Rely on your brain and your
brawn to create the life you want. In other words: Grow a pair!
One
of the most castrating effects on our society is political
correctness.
When
people say “with all due respect,” it’s a PC way of saying, “I
think you’re an idiot and have no respect for you or what you just
said.” I would never use the words “with all due respect” and
neither would anyone else who possessed a pair.
A
person who has a pair would just say, “I don’t agree and here’s
why.”
We
use political correctness as a crutch to avoid straight talk.
We
have become so quick to take offense when we hear someone speak the
truth that we do our best to water it down and dumb it down until we
can barely discern what the original meaning was.
This
has to stop! Just say it.
It
may not be kind, but it’s still the truth.
Therefore,
the solution to this problem is to let people get away with less.
Stop
tolerating stupidity and poor performance. Stop letting people get
away with bad behavior. Break this natural cycle with yourself, with
your family, and with your coworkers and employees. It won’t change
the world, but it just might change your world.
“It’s
not my fault.” If there were ever a way of thinking that ticks me
off, it’s this one.
Your
thoughts, your words, and your actions created the life you are
living. You create your results—no one else.
“If
your life sucks, it’s because you suck!”
We
allow people to abdicate personal responsibility and blame others.
When
you become entitled, you abdicate the throne of personal
responsibility and allow yourself to become someone else’s
responsibility.
You
aren’t special. Get that through your brain.
We
don’t care one hoot about who you are; we only care what service
you provide.
“When
we truly understand that the tribe doesn’t give a damn, we’re
free. There is no tribe, and there never was. Our lives are entirely
up to us.”
The
constant need to make everyone else happy at the cost of your own
happiness will destroy you.
You
can’t really make other people happy, so forget it.
Give
up the need to please others by sacrificing your own needs. My
advice: Make yourself happy and surround yourself with people who are
cool with that.
If
it’s right and no one else is doing it, it’s still right. If it’s
wrong and everyone else is doing it, it’s still wrong.
They
are ill equipped for the fight.
If
you don’t know what you are talking about, don’t open your mouth
pretending you do and prove you are an idiot.
People
too often speak without knowing what they are talking about.
They
are genuinely afraid they will get hurt.
The
truth is that sometimes you get your ass kicked. No matter what you
have done to prepare, it happens. You don’t always win, and to
expect to always win is naïve.
We
have this idea that if people see our flaws then they won’t respect
us. Nothing could be further from the truth.
I
have found that people are very forgiving and accepting of anyone who
admits their mistakes and takes responsibility for them.
“If
they would just admit it, own it, and apologize for it, I would
forgive them!”
“Don’t
you dare tell me I’m not good at something—you might hurt my
feelings.” Well, to hell with your feelings.
Your
feelings don’t matter when your results suck.
Criticism
is how we grow.
when
you give your word, you keep it no matter what.
He
taught me that a man is only as good as his word and he ingrained
that into me from birth.
HOW
DO YOU GROW A PAIR?
The
world changes one person at a time.
So
I gave up on changing the world. Instead, I decided to focus on
changing myself. When I changed myself, the way I dealt with the
world changed.
I
was not in control of the world (damn it!) but I was in control of my
world.
This
is how you change yourself: a little at a time.
Anyone
can grow a pair.
She
knows how to stand up for herself and is always treated with respect.
Why? Because she won’t accept anything other than that.
It
is her state of mind.
There
are ninety-five-pound women you would never think about talking back
to and it’s all because of their attitude.
Now
it seems that the only time people are willing to have a pair is
after the fact.
News
flash: It does no good to grow a pair after the event is over and
done with.
Growing
a pair isn’t an afterthought.
Living
with a pair is proactive, not reactive.
Speak
up!
It’s
simple. Let your thoughts be known.
Never
be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim.
Accept no one’s definition of your life; define yourself.
A
polite word spoken with conviction is a powerful tool. Try it.
That
means don’t mumble, don’t whisper or be a “low talker,” and
don’t rush through your words. Speak with a sense of purpose, as if
what you have to say is worth listening to, and then do your best to
make sure it is.
Stop
using weak language.
Stop
saying “I think” when you really know.
“I
think” is a statement of weakness. Stop thinking and start knowing.
Or
even the more ridiculous “in my humble opinion.” Why should your
opinion be a humble opinion? If you have an opinion, just express it
and be proud of it. If you aren’t proud of it, then keep your mouth
shut.
Or
how about saying “excuse me” when you haven’t interrupted or
bumped into someone or sneezed or belched or passed gas. What are you
being excused for? Existing?
“You
know what I mean?” No, we don’t know what you mean and obviously
you don’t either, you moron. Which is much like “you know what
I’m saying?” Except in that case, I do know what you’re saying.
You are saying that you are too stupid to be in a conversation with!
Learn
to speak well.
Use
good grammar.
You
can’t make an intelligent argument when you write and speak like a
moron.
Get
to the point!
Get
to the point. Most people couldn’t make a point with an ice pick.
Ask
for what you want.
Don’t
assume that people know what you want. Don’t assume that people can
read your mind and can guess what you want. Don’t expect that what
you want will be magically attracted to you. Ask!
When
you want more, ask for more. Ask more from others and ask more of
yourself.
Don’t
be anonymous.
If
you’re going to speak up and tell people what you think, then have
a big enough pair to do it without the anonymity of the Internet. And
if you must post a comment, have the cojones to own up to your
opinion and use your real name!
If
you are going to say something bold, then grab your pair and look
that person in the eye and get it said and take the consequences,
whatever they might be. If you aren’t willing to do that, then keep
your mouth shut.
Stop
apologizing
.
. . for telling the truth. I know as well as anyone that people hate
hearing the truth. I take a lot of guff for telling the truth. So
will you. Take the guff you will inevitably receive and move on.
Remember, the truth doesn’t care whether you like it or not. It’s
the truth.
.
. . for being who you are. Unless you’re stupid. Or an asshole. In
that case, don’t apologize; just stop being a stupid asshole.
Remember, it’s better to be an authentic asshole than a fake
sweetie pie!
.
. . for being. Stop apologizing for your thoughts by opening your
statements with “I’m sorry, but...” What in the hell are you
sorry for? For disagreeing? For speaking up? For having an opinion in
the first place? Did you do something wrong? If you didn’t, then
stop saying you’re sorry.
Many
people, especially ignorant people, want to punish you for speaking
the truth, for being correct, for being you. Never apologize for
being correct, or for being years ahead of your time. If you’re
right and you know it, speak your mind. Speak your mind. Even if you
are a minority of one, the truth is still the truth. Mahatma Gandhi
Become
judgmental.
Judging
is about taking a stand for yourself and for right and wrong.
So
cast off your inner weenie and start to judge people.
And
don’t give me the “judge not, that ye be not judged” crap. I am
so sick of the holier-than-thou types telling me not to judge. I hate
it when people start quoting the Bible to validate their own bad
behavior. And those who love to use that verse tend to misinterpret
the Bible and only tell half of the statement to make it work for
them. The Bible actually says, “Judge not, that ye be not judged.
For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what
measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again.” Therefore, if
you are willing to be held to the same standard you hold others to,
then get after it!
Besides,
anyone who says they don’t judge is a liar—either that or they
are incredibly naïve.
I
am not here to judge another person’s value or worth—but their
actions are a different story.
Success
comes from what you do, not from what you say you are going to do.
Stop
believing that it’s all about you.
It
isn’t. That may surprise some of you more self-centered types. But
I believe we would all be amazed at how little other people actually
think about us at all.
Stop
letting your own guilt rule your reaction to a statement that was
meant as a commentary on society.
Stop
giving a damn.
Like
what others think of you. What others are going to say about you
later. You can’t control what others say or do so get past it.
What
others think of you will have almost nothing to do with your success.
Be
honest.
Honesty
is not the best policy; it’s the only policy.
If
you want to be known as a person who has a pair, show up, tell the
truth, and let go of the outcome.
Never
make excuses.
People
with a pair have reasons for things not working out; people without a
pair have excuses for things not working out.
they
realize that regardless of the reason, it’s ultimately their fault.
He
that is good for making excuses is seldom good for anything else.
Benjamin Franklin
Don’t
whine.
No
one cares. They say they do, but they don’t—I promise.
Walk
away.
Become
willing to walk away from people, situations, jobs, organizations,
groups, and relationships that don’t move you closer to your goals.
You
can’t step up to the next level as long as you keep one foot on the
lower level.
Become
less tolerant.
“The
proper response to incivility is not passivity or tolerance. This is
why sharing this type of behavior is important. It’s important that
we don’t escalate the incivility, but rather respond with demands
for swift, firm and decisive action. Only when we’re willing to
take this type of action consistently—and be willing to stand firm
when challenged—will we start to reverse this incredibly disgusting
trend in our society.”
Let’s
be clear here though. This is not an excuse to be anything but
courteous.
I
won’t be wronged, I won’t be insulted, and I won’t be laid a
hand on. I don’t do these things to other people and I require the
same from them. John Wayne as J. B. Books in The Shootist
Know
when to draw the line and where to draw the line.
When
what you want to do infringes on the rights of another, draw a line
and stay on your side of it. When someone infringes on your rights,
draw a line and don’t allow them to cross it.
Stop
trying to make everyone else happy.
Happiness
is a personal choice.
If
someone doesn’t want to be happy, leave them alone. You can’t
happy someone else into happy!
Become
totally self-reliant.
People
who have a pair don’t rely on the government to support them.
They
understand that they are responsible for their own lives and that it
is up to them to make sure they have taken the appropriate steps to
take care of themselves.
Be
decisive.
That
means you have to choose.
Saying
yes to one thing means saying no to something else.
Being
decisive and choosing one thing over another means you are going to
disappoint someone else. Get it straight that regardless of what you
choose someone is always going to be disappointed in your choice. Big
deal.
Make
big, bold, brash, ballsy plans.
That’s
right—make a plan and write it down. Few people do this.
Grow
a pair and get in control.
No
one ever wrote down a plan to be fat, broke, stupid, lazy, unhappy,
and mediocre. Those are the things that happen to you when you don’t
have a plan.
Do
the right thing.
And
you never have to ask if something is the right thing. You know! And
remember: If it’s right and no one else is doing it, it’s still
right. If it’s wrong and everyone else is doing it, it’s still
wrong.
Base
your actions in courtesy and respect for other people, their time,
and their property.
Don’t
allow people to take advantage of you.
Without
exception, no one has the right to treat you badly, so stop giving
them that right. We teach people how to treat us. If people are
treating you badly, it is because you have allowed it. Stop allowing
it.
Don’t
brag.
Don’t
gossip.
Don’t
talk behind someone’s back. If you don’t have the balls to say it
to their face, then keep your mouth shut.
Look
people in the eye and have a good handshake.
So
when it’s time to shake hands, grab the hand firmly without causing
pain and give it two or three shakes. Do this while looking the other
person directly in the eyes. This shows you are confident and
self-assured.
Remember:
People who have a pair need to have a grip .
Carry
yourself like you have a pair.
Stand
up straight. Hold your head high with your chin out. Walk like you
are going someplace.
Be
prepared.
“Expect
the best, but be prepared for the worst.”
Most
people never expect anything bad to ever happen to them until it
already has.
Say
NO more.
Do
you have things that you absolutely hate to do but still find
yourself doing? Why? Stop doing them.
We
are way too agreeable.
We
don’t want to offend anyone by telling them the truth, so we agree
to do just about everything we are asked to do.
when
you are asked to do something you don’t want to do, just say no.
If
you feel compelled to explain why you are saying no, you can just
tell the truth and say you don’t want to. Or you can tell them that
you choose to spend your time doing something else. Or you could just
remember that you don’t owe anyone an explanation and move on.
Yes,
some will think you are selfish. Good. Be selfish. Give yourself
permission to be selfish with your time. After all, it is your time!
You have every right to spend your time doing things that please you.
Don’t
let others dictate your time by inflicting their guilt on you when
you choose not to participate in their project.
Continue
to learn.
You
are more powerful and more confident when you are better informed.
Spend
your time getting more information so you will make more informed
decisions and operate from a position of knowledge.
Apologize.
Stop
apologizing when you have done nothing wrong, but know that you
should apologize when you actually have done something wrong.
Ask
forgiveness when you need to. That’s not a sign of weakness but a
sign of strength.
Be
a pitbull.
I
find something I believe in and I don’t let go.
What
do you believe in? Do you believe in it enough to fight for it? To
hang on in the face of challenge or danger? Are you a pitbull or a
poodle? Become a pitbull.
Have
clear priorities.
People
don’t live the life they dream of because it isn’t important
enough for them to do what it takes to live that kind of life. It
isn’t a priority. Priorities determine your actions and your
actions determine your results.
Your
actions determine your priorities.
How
do you know what your priorities are? Simple: Track your actions.
Track your time. Track where you put all of your energy. Track your
money. Your words will lie but your actions tell you the absolute
truth every time.
Your
time, energy, and money always go to what’s important to you.
Be
clear about what you own and what owns you.
How
about your stuff? Does your stuff own you or do you own your stuff?
Don’t
compromise your principles.
Principles
are those simple truths that your life is based on.
just
know that is how corruption of one’s integrity begins: one little
slip at a time.
Don’t
compromise your principles for a job, not for the approval of others,
and not for money.
In
the end, what you believe in is about all you’ve got. Stay true to
those things. Live your life by this code:
LARRY’S
NUMBER ONE RULE FOR LIFE AND BUSINESS: Do what you said you would do,
when you said you would do it, the way you said you would do it.
GROW
A PAIR WITH YOUR MONEY
If
your finances are out of control, it is proof that you lack
discipline either with yourself or with someone in your family.
People
who have a pair are in control of their lives. They exercise personal
responsibility and self-discipline. That means that they don’t let
another person or a habit, like spending, control their lives.
“I
really need that!” No, you don’t. You want it.
GROW
A PAIR IN BUSINESS
People
who have a pair do all they are paid to do and then some. Give a full
day’s work for a full day’s wage. No slacking or taking the easy
way. Show up on time. Stay until the end of the day. Finish what you
start. Be respectful of your coworkers. Show respect to your boss
even though you may disagree with him. He is your boss. If you feel
the need to disagree, do it with respect. And most importantly,
remember to bring more value than you cost.
Give
everything you do everything you’ve got. Growing a pair is not
about giving half-assed effort.
Does
your boss belittle you? Does he criticize you, not your work? Why?
I’m betting it’s because you allow it. Stop. He or she may be
your boss and deserve your respect simply for that reason, but that
does not mean that you need to allow him or her to mistreat you on a
personal level. Learn to stand up for yourself.
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