My Notes: Grow A Pair by Larry Winget

My Notes:

It’s about a new way of thinking.

In other words, growing a pair has nothing to do with what’s between your legs and everything to do with what’s between your ears.

Growing a pair is a state of mind, an attitude, and a way of thinking. It’s about giving up being a victim and taking control of your life at every level. It is the willingness to do the right thing even when everyone else is doing the wrong thing.

It’s about establishing a standard by which you will live your life. It’s about drawing lines in the sand.

It’s about knowing yourself, knowing your values, and becoming uncompromising in your willingness to do whatever it takes to stand up for them.

We have become a society of weenies. I hate admitting that, but since I am not a weenie, I will. For the most part, people are weak, sniveling, whining, backstabbing, gossiping, spineless weenies and let other people walk all over them.

All of this has to stop. People need to speak up, step up, and behave boldly! We need to update and personalize the great line from Virgil’s Aeneid , “Audentes fortuna juvat!”—“Fortune favors the bold!”

Standing up for yourself is no longer a part of what we teach people. Instead, we teach people to go along and get along.

We encourage passiveness in our responses to bullies, to stupidity, and to corruption. We tolerate poor performance, bad service, inappropriate behavior, and other unacceptable practices. We have made being nice and being liked more important than being respected. Assertiveness is frowned upon.

Yet when any of this lousy behavior happens and actually affects our lives, people whine that they are being taken advantage of. Of course they are! People are allowing this poor behavior.

All of this must stop. We all need to grow a pair, act with assertiveness, speak up for ourselves, take a stand, and refuse to accept less than the best from others or from ourselves.

Remember: You can’t change the world, but you can change your world.

Work on you before you concern yourself with other folks.

Remember that people change when they want to and not when you want them to, so instead of worrying yourself with fixing everyone else, focus on fixing yourself.

Most importantly, live like you have a pair and set a good example so it will rub off on those around you!

Those who consider themselves to be the exception to the rule should re-read the rule.


Do you allow people to take advantage of you? 
Do your kids talk back to you? 
Do you find yourself picking up the slack for lazy coworkers? 
Do you let people cut in front of you in line? 
Do you accept bad service without speaking up? 
Do you eat cold food in a restaurant rather than send it back? 
Do you allow people you are paying to be late for appointments? 
Do you let things slide even though it bothers you? Do you let your friends hurt your feelings, and never say a word about it? 
Do you often feel responsible for other people and their feelings? 
Do you find yourself unwilling to express yourself for fear of offending someone? 
Do you ever feel that people don’t respect you? 
Do you find yourself compromising your opinions and beliefs in an effort to get along? 
Do you ever feel like you are being used? 
Do people talk down to you? 
Do people mistreat you emotionally, verbally, psychologically, or physically?

People who have a pair don’t offer up excuses or explanations. They face the facts, take responsibility, and deal with the consequences.

And they don’t put up with any of this crap!


Do you stand up for yourself and your beliefs even in the face of conflict? 
Do you feel in control of your life? 
Do you feel a sense of purpose and determination when you wake up in the morning? 
Do you recognize your problems as problems but know that with some hard work and a little sweat you will get through them? 
When faced with overwhelming adversity, do you suck it up and go to work on it? 
Are you confident in your ability to deal with the challenges of life? 
When you make a mistake, do you take responsibility for your actions? 
Do you speak up when you see someone else being mistreated? 
When you get bad service, do you complain politely and make your grievances known?

People used to have a pair.

And our parents’ generation had a pair. They didn’t take crap off of anyone. If you were rude or insulting, someone knocked you on your ass.

If as a country you attacked us, we held you accountable and went to war and kicked your ass.

We went from “be responsible” to “be cool” and things fell apart.

We stopped holding people accountable for their mistakes to the point where we enabled them and bailed them out. We got soft. When faced with irresponsibility and stupidity, we told people to “let it slide.” Well, we did let it slide and it slid straight into the toilet!

People want to be taken care of and don’t care who pays for it as long as it’s not them!

People actually believe they are owed a living while doing nothing on their own to make sure they are employed or have any savings or that their bills are paid. That’s why we have sixth generation welfare recipients.

Bottom line: People believe they are entitled to compensation for consequences they brought on themselves due to their irresponsible lifestyle and stupid choices.

Life is your own damn fault.

The original intent was to get people to realize that they had the power, all within themselves, to change their results.

Somehow the self-help movement shifted from self , which was the original message, to help .

You should read, study, think, and work . Rely on your brain and your brawn to create the life you want. In other words: Grow a pair!

One of the most castrating effects on our society is political correctness.

When people say “with all due respect,” it’s a PC way of saying, “I think you’re an idiot and have no respect for you or what you just said.” I would never use the words “with all due respect” and neither would anyone else who possessed a pair.

A person who has a pair would just say, “I don’t agree and here’s why.”

We use political correctness as a crutch to avoid straight talk.

We have become so quick to take offense when we hear someone speak the truth that we do our best to water it down and dumb it down until we can barely discern what the original meaning was.

This has to stop! Just say it.

It may not be kind, but it’s still the truth.

Therefore, the solution to this problem is to let people get away with less.

Stop tolerating stupidity and poor performance. Stop letting people get away with bad behavior. Break this natural cycle with yourself, with your family, and with your coworkers and employees. It won’t change the world, but it just might change your world.

It’s not my fault.” If there were ever a way of thinking that ticks me off, it’s this one.

Your thoughts, your words, and your actions created the life you are living. You create your results—no one else.

If your life sucks, it’s because you suck!”

We allow people to abdicate personal responsibility and blame others.

When you become entitled, you abdicate the throne of personal responsibility and allow yourself to become someone else’s responsibility.

You aren’t special. Get that through your brain.

We don’t care one hoot about who you are; we only care what service you provide.

When we truly understand that the tribe doesn’t give a damn, we’re free. There is no tribe, and there never was. Our lives are entirely up to us.”

The constant need to make everyone else happy at the cost of your own happiness will destroy you.

You can’t really make other people happy, so forget it.

Give up the need to please others by sacrificing your own needs. My advice: Make yourself happy and surround yourself with people who are cool with that.

If it’s right and no one else is doing it, it’s still right. If it’s wrong and everyone else is doing it, it’s still wrong.

They are ill equipped for the fight.

If you don’t know what you are talking about, don’t open your mouth pretending you do and prove you are an idiot.

People too often speak without knowing what they are talking about.

They are genuinely afraid they will get hurt.

The truth is that sometimes you get your ass kicked. No matter what you have done to prepare, it happens. You don’t always win, and to expect to always win is naïve.

We have this idea that if people see our flaws then they won’t respect us. Nothing could be further from the truth.

I have found that people are very forgiving and accepting of anyone who admits their mistakes and takes responsibility for them.

If they would just admit it, own it, and apologize for it, I would forgive them!”

Don’t you dare tell me I’m not good at something—you might hurt my feelings.” Well, to hell with your feelings.

Your feelings don’t matter when your results suck.

Criticism is how we grow.

when you give your word, you keep it no matter what.

He taught me that a man is only as good as his word and he ingrained that into me from birth.

The world changes one person at a time.

So I gave up on changing the world. Instead, I decided to focus on changing myself. When I changed myself, the way I dealt with the world changed.

I was not in control of the world (damn it!) but I was in control of my world.

This is how you change yourself: a little at a time.

Anyone can grow a pair.

She knows how to stand up for herself and is always treated with respect. Why? Because she won’t accept anything other than that.

It is her state of mind.

There are ninety-five-pound women you would never think about talking back to and it’s all because of their attitude.

Now it seems that the only time people are willing to have a pair is after the fact.

News flash: It does no good to grow a pair after the event is over and done with.

Growing a pair isn’t an afterthought.

Living with a pair is proactive, not reactive.

Speak up!

It’s simple. Let your thoughts be known.

Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one’s definition of your life; define yourself.

A polite word spoken with conviction is a powerful tool. Try it.

That means don’t mumble, don’t whisper or be a “low talker,” and don’t rush through your words. Speak with a sense of purpose, as if what you have to say is worth listening to, and then do your best to make sure it is.

Stop using weak language.

Stop saying “I think” when you really know.

I think” is a statement of weakness. Stop thinking and start knowing.

Or even the more ridiculous “in my humble opinion.” Why should your opinion be a humble opinion? If you have an opinion, just express it and be proud of it. If you aren’t proud of it, then keep your mouth shut.

Or how about saying “excuse me” when you haven’t interrupted or bumped into someone or sneezed or belched or passed gas. What are you being excused for? Existing?

You know what I mean?” No, we don’t know what you mean and obviously you don’t either, you moron. Which is much like “you know what I’m saying?” Except in that case, I do know what you’re saying. You are saying that you are too stupid to be in a conversation with!

Learn to speak well.

Use good grammar.

You can’t make an intelligent argument when you write and speak like a moron.

Get to the point!

Get to the point. Most people couldn’t make a point with an ice pick.

Ask for what you want.

Don’t assume that people know what you want. Don’t assume that people can read your mind and can guess what you want. Don’t expect that what you want will be magically attracted to you. Ask!

When you want more, ask for more. Ask more from others and ask more of yourself.

Don’t be anonymous.

If you’re going to speak up and tell people what you think, then have a big enough pair to do it without the anonymity of the Internet. And if you must post a comment, have the cojones to own up to your opinion and use your real name!

If you are going to say something bold, then grab your pair and look that person in the eye and get it said and take the consequences, whatever they might be. If you aren’t willing to do that, then keep your mouth shut.

Stop apologizing

. . . for telling the truth. I know as well as anyone that people hate hearing the truth. I take a lot of guff for telling the truth. So will you. Take the guff you will inevitably receive and move on. Remember, the truth doesn’t care whether you like it or not. It’s the truth.

. . . for being who you are. Unless you’re stupid. Or an asshole. In that case, don’t apologize; just stop being a stupid asshole. Remember, it’s better to be an authentic asshole than a fake sweetie pie!

. . . for being. Stop apologizing for your thoughts by opening your statements with “I’m sorry, but...” What in the hell are you sorry for? For disagreeing? For speaking up? For having an opinion in the first place? Did you do something wrong? If you didn’t, then stop saying you’re sorry.

Many people, especially ignorant people, want to punish you for speaking the truth, for being correct, for being you. Never apologize for being correct, or for being years ahead of your time. If you’re right and you know it, speak your mind. Speak your mind. Even if you are a minority of one, the truth is still the truth. Mahatma Gandhi

Become judgmental.

Judging is about taking a stand for yourself and for right and wrong.

So cast off your inner weenie and start to judge people.

And don’t give me the “judge not, that ye be not judged” crap. I am so sick of the holier-than-thou types telling me not to judge. I hate it when people start quoting the Bible to validate their own bad behavior. And those who love to use that verse tend to misinterpret the Bible and only tell half of the statement to make it work for them. The Bible actually says, “Judge not, that ye be not judged. For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again.” Therefore, if you are willing to be held to the same standard you hold others to, then get after it!

Besides, anyone who says they don’t judge is a liar—either that or they are incredibly naïve.

I am not here to judge another person’s value or worth—but their actions are a different story.

Success comes from what you do, not from what you say you are going to do.

Stop believing that it’s all about you.

It isn’t. That may surprise some of you more self-centered types. But I believe we would all be amazed at how little other people actually think about us at all.

Stop letting your own guilt rule your reaction to a statement that was meant as a commentary on society.

Stop giving a damn.

Like what others think of you. What others are going to say about you later. You can’t control what others say or do so get past it.

What others think of you will have almost nothing to do with your success.

Be honest.

Honesty is not the best policy; it’s the only policy.

If you want to be known as a person who has a pair, show up, tell the truth, and let go of the outcome.

Never make excuses.

People with a pair have reasons for things not working out; people without a pair have excuses for things not working out.

they realize that regardless of the reason, it’s ultimately their fault.

He that is good for making excuses is seldom good for anything else. Benjamin Franklin

Don’t whine.

No one cares. They say they do, but they don’t—I promise.

Walk away.

Become willing to walk away from people, situations, jobs, organizations, groups, and relationships that don’t move you closer to your goals.

You can’t step up to the next level as long as you keep one foot on the lower level.

Become less tolerant.

The proper response to incivility is not passivity or tolerance. This is why sharing this type of behavior is important. It’s important that we don’t escalate the incivility, but rather respond with demands for swift, firm and decisive action. Only when we’re willing to take this type of action consistently—and be willing to stand firm when challenged—will we start to reverse this incredibly disgusting trend in our society.”

Let’s be clear here though. This is not an excuse to be anything but courteous.

I won’t be wronged, I won’t be insulted, and I won’t be laid a hand on. I don’t do these things to other people and I require the same from them. John Wayne as J. B. Books in The Shootist

Know when to draw the line and where to draw the line.

When what you want to do infringes on the rights of another, draw a line and stay on your side of it. When someone infringes on your rights, draw a line and don’t allow them to cross it.

Stop trying to make everyone else happy.

Happiness is a personal choice.

If someone doesn’t want to be happy, leave them alone. You can’t happy someone else into happy!

Become totally self-reliant.

People who have a pair don’t rely on the government to support them.

They understand that they are responsible for their own lives and that it is up to them to make sure they have taken the appropriate steps to take care of themselves.

Be decisive.

That means you have to choose.

Saying yes to one thing means saying no to something else.

Being decisive and choosing one thing over another means you are going to disappoint someone else. Get it straight that regardless of what you choose someone is always going to be disappointed in your choice. Big deal.

Make big, bold, brash, ballsy plans.

That’s right—make a plan and write it down. Few people do this.

Grow a pair and get in control.

No one ever wrote down a plan to be fat, broke, stupid, lazy, unhappy, and mediocre. Those are the things that happen to you when you don’t have a plan.

Do the right thing.

And you never have to ask if something is the right thing. You know! And remember: If it’s right and no one else is doing it, it’s still right. If it’s wrong and everyone else is doing it, it’s still wrong.

Base your actions in courtesy and respect for other people, their time, and their property.

Don’t allow people to take advantage of you.

Without exception, no one has the right to treat you badly, so stop giving them that right. We teach people how to treat us. If people are treating you badly, it is because you have allowed it. Stop allowing it.

Don’t brag.

Don’t gossip.

Don’t talk behind someone’s back. If you don’t have the balls to say it to their face, then keep your mouth shut.

Look people in the eye and have a good handshake.

So when it’s time to shake hands, grab the hand firmly without causing pain and give it two or three shakes. Do this while looking the other person directly in the eyes. This shows you are confident and self-assured.

Remember: People who have a pair need to have a grip .

Carry yourself like you have a pair.

Stand up straight. Hold your head high with your chin out. Walk like you are going someplace.

Be prepared.

Expect the best, but be prepared for the worst.”

Most people never expect anything bad to ever happen to them until it already has.

Say NO more.

Do you have things that you absolutely hate to do but still find yourself doing? Why? Stop doing them.

We are way too agreeable.

We don’t want to offend anyone by telling them the truth, so we agree to do just about everything we are asked to do.

when you are asked to do something you don’t want to do, just say no.

If you feel compelled to explain why you are saying no, you can just tell the truth and say you don’t want to. Or you can tell them that you choose to spend your time doing something else. Or you could just remember that you don’t owe anyone an explanation and move on.

Yes, some will think you are selfish. Good. Be selfish. Give yourself permission to be selfish with your time. After all, it is your time! You have every right to spend your time doing things that please you.

Don’t let others dictate your time by inflicting their guilt on you when you choose not to participate in their project.

Continue to learn.

You are more powerful and more confident when you are better informed.

Spend your time getting more information so you will make more informed decisions and operate from a position of knowledge.


Stop apologizing when you have done nothing wrong, but know that you should apologize when you actually have done something wrong.

Ask forgiveness when you need to. That’s not a sign of weakness but a sign of strength.

Be a pitbull.

I find something I believe in and I don’t let go.

What do you believe in? Do you believe in it enough to fight for it? To hang on in the face of challenge or danger? Are you a pitbull or a poodle? Become a pitbull.

Have clear priorities.

People don’t live the life they dream of because it isn’t important enough for them to do what it takes to live that kind of life. It isn’t a priority. Priorities determine your actions and your actions determine your results.

Your actions determine your priorities.

How do you know what your priorities are? Simple: Track your actions. Track your time. Track where you put all of your energy. Track your money. Your words will lie but your actions tell you the absolute truth every time.

Your time, energy, and money always go to what’s important to you.

Be clear about what you own and what owns you.

How about your stuff? Does your stuff own you or do you own your stuff?

Don’t compromise your principles.

Principles are those simple truths that your life is based on.

just know that is how corruption of one’s integrity begins: one little slip at a time.

Don’t compromise your principles for a job, not for the approval of others, and not for money.

In the end, what you believe in is about all you’ve got. Stay true to those things. Live your life by this code:

LARRY’S NUMBER ONE RULE FOR LIFE AND BUSINESS: Do what you said you would do, when you said you would do it, the way you said you would do it.


If your finances are out of control, it is proof that you lack discipline either with yourself or with someone in your family.

People who have a pair are in control of their lives. They exercise personal responsibility and self-discipline. That means that they don’t let another person or a habit, like spending, control their lives.

I really need that!” No, you don’t. You want it.

People who have a pair do all they are paid to do and then some. Give a full day’s work for a full day’s wage. No slacking or taking the easy way. Show up on time. Stay until the end of the day. Finish what you start. Be respectful of your coworkers. Show respect to your boss even though you may disagree with him. He is your boss. If you feel the need to disagree, do it with respect. And most importantly, remember to bring more value than you cost.

Give everything you do everything you’ve got. Growing a pair is not about giving half-assed effort.

Does your boss belittle you? Does he criticize you, not your work? Why? I’m betting it’s because you allow it. Stop. He or she may be your boss and deserve your respect simply for that reason, but that does not mean that you need to allow him or her to mistreat you on a personal level. Learn to stand up for yourself.

No comments:

Post a Comment