 |
| (If you'd like a copy of this book, please click on the image above.) |
My notes:
- "Action is a great restorer and builder of confidence. Inaction is not only the result, but the cause, of fear." ~ Norman Vincent Peale
- Action is the cure for low confidence. Unfortunately, low confidence has a tendency to immobilize us.
- When you doubt yourself and your abilities, the last thing you want to do is put yourself out there to fall flat on your face. It's much easier to remain in the safe confines of the status quo and not expose yourself to the possibility of failure or rejection.
- Change and growth are always possible when you're motivated and determined, regardless of your past, your personality, or your self-perceptions.
- If you want to be confident, you can be—if you're willing to take action.
- All success begins with thought and culminates in action.
- It is possible action will result in failure, but inaction always leads to nothing—guaranteed.
- An essential component of confidence is the ability to be comfortable with the uncertainty of action and the sting of failure.
- They took action and learned from their failures,
- Failure is a temporary state, fraught with potential and opportunity—but only if you get up off the ground, dust yourself off, and start moving again.
- The fear of failure and rejection is the only thing standing between you and confidence. The only way to beat that fear is to take action on the very thing you that holds you back. It doesn't take much action in the beginning. Small, manageable actions in the direction of your goals and dreams are enough to get the ball rolling.
- Every successful small action will give you an immediate boost of confidence to try again.
- As Abraham Lincoln reminds, "You can have anything you want—if you want it badly enough. You can be anything you want to be, do anything you set out to accomplish if you hold to that desire with singleness of purpose."
- If confidence is your purpose, offer no more power or energy to thoughts and behaviors of self-doubt and fear. Take action now, and become the person you want to be.
- As a coach, I've learned through countless sessions with courageous, motivated clients that each individual has the answers within them.
- Your close relationships are the most important aspect of your life, and relationships are a vital component to good health and general well-being.
- When you aren't confident in your ability to create or sustain a healthy relationship, you undermine your confidence in every other area of your life.
- Know your relationship value. Write down everything positive about yourself that you can offer in a relationship. Spend some time on this, and even ask a close friend or family member to share what they see as your positive qualities. Place this list where you can see it daily.
- It's hard to be confident in a relationship when you have no boundaries. Sometimes we avoid boundaries because we aren't confident. We fear the person we care about will leave us or get angry if we stand up for ourselves or have needs. Determine your personal boundaries. Setting and enforcing boundaries, even if it makes others upset or angry, will give you a huge boost of confidence, because you have the self-respect to know what you want and to require others to respect your wishes.
- Make a list of things your partner (or other people in your life) may no longer do to you, say to you, or do around you. Decide how you need physical and emotional space. Then set a meeting to communicate this calmly, kindly, but firmly.
- People pleasing is the desire to make others happy (or prevent their anger) at your own expense. You feel so uncomfortable with conflict or disappointing others that you're willing to do just about anything to avoid it. You're addicted to the approval and good feelings that come from making people happy and comfortable, as you tend to their needs over your own. It makes you feel validated and worthy. Over time you begin to lose confidence in yourself, because you've lost sight of who you are, what you want in the relationship, or how to live your life on your own terms.
- If you recognize yourself as a people pleaser and see how it's harming your relationship, then it's past time to do something about it. This week, choose one situation with your partner or another person you please where you stand up for yourself, say no, or make your own decision—even if it causes conflict. Remain strong. Don't give in even if you encounter anger or withdrawal by your partner. Resist the need to over-explain yourself or to over-apologize for your decision. If necessary, leave the room or hang up the phone until he/ she calms down.
- One of the hallmarks of low confidence in a relationship is clinginess and insecurity.
- When you aren't confident, you compensate by seeking reinforcement and subtly manipulating the other person through neediness and guilt. You fear they may leave you, so you hold on tighter—which ultimately pushes them away and sabotages your self-respect.
- Maybe you have legitimate reasons to feel insecure, but holding on tighter or shaming your partner won't fix the problem. Only healthy, open, and confident communication will help you address any real issues.
- Rejection isn't an indictment of your character or who you are as a person. It simply means you and this particular person weren't the right match. In many ways, rejection is a gift, as it saves you from investing any more time in a relationship that won't serve you well.
- One of the foundations of a confident and healthy relationship is communication.
- When we don't communicate our needs and discuss our differences honestly and freely, intimacy will inevitably break down. Healthy communication also requires active listening with your full attention and an open mind.
- People who are confident and skilled in romance and sex generally feel good about themselves.
- "Even in social life, you will never make a good impression on other people until you stop thinking about what sort of impression you're making." ~ C. S. Lewis
- Often we're so steeped in fear and avoidance, we haven't taken the time to identify the specific cause.
- For any skill you learn, practice increases your confidence.
- People who lack confidence overestimate the negative perceptions of others in social situations.
- In fact, research shows people who share the same emotions are likely to experience stronger levels of trust, connection and empathy.
- Listening is one of the most important confidence skills you can have.
- Active listening involves making a conscious effort to hear beyond just the words the other person is saying. It's mindfully paying attention to the complete message being sent, and being fully focused on the other person without succumbing to distractions.
- Use your body language to show you're listening by nodding and smiling appropriately. Offer feedback and thoughtful comments.
- Many people think small talk is an innate talent, but it is an acquired skill.
- But authenticity is the only path to a real connection in any relationship.
- Although you may feel highly self-conscious in social situations, the reality is that others aren't paying nearly as much attention to you as you fear they are.
- Recognize that others aren't focused on your flaws or assessing you constantly.
- "I am not a product of my circumstances. I am a product of my decisions." ~ Stephen Covey
- Innovators and creative thinkers often get the most attention in an organization.
- Nothing supports confidence more than thorough preparation.
- When you lack confidence at work, it feels uncomfortable and intimidating to speak up in meetings. You fear saying the wrong thing, looking stupid, or drawing attention to yourself.
- Sitting silently makes you appear disengaged and disinterested, and will make it more likely you get passed over or ignored.
- Failure is embarrassing and creates a lot of anxiety about our potential for success and abilities.
- Accept failure as a stepping stone to success.
- It's important to acknowledge and work on your weak points, but it's even more important for your confidence and career success to highlight your strengths.
- It's much easier to strengthen your strengths than it is to improve your weak areas. Become an expert or highly proficient in your strengths, and others will come to respect and depend on your knowledge and expertise.
- "Take advantage of every opportunity to practice your communication skills so that when important occasions arise, you will have the gift, the style, the sharpness, the clarity, and the emotions to affect other people." ~ Jim Rohn
- Every relationship you have is impacted by your ability—or inability—to communicate well.
- Although communication seems fairly simple and straightforward, so much of our communication is misunderstood or misinterpreted.
- One of the most positive things you can do for your confidence is to learn the skills of healthy, confident communication in your personal and professional life and to put those skills into practice.
- Conversation fillers are those little sounds like, "um," "er," and "ah," that we use when trying to think of the next thing we want to say.
- Begin to catch yourself using these sounds, and mindfully replace them with a deep breath instead.
- A few moments of silence is far more powerful than filler words, and the deep breath will calm you and allow you to gather your thoughts.
- When you're nervous or lack confidence, you can sometimes lose the filter between your brain and mouth. You blurt things out without thinking them through.
- When you don't rush to respond or offer an opinion to quickly, you also give the impression of being measured and truthful in your words.
- Appropriate, well-timed hand gestures when you speak can make you look and feel more confident,
- The most confident people feel free to be themselves, to allow their personalities and even their emotions to shine through in their speech within the context of the setting. A person who is real and authentic is naturally attractive, more believable, and sets others at ease.
- Take a deep breath, relax, and speak conversationally, as you would with a friend. Natural authenticity is your goal.
- Do they look like they're attentively listening and making eye contact, or are they distracted and disengaged? Are they smiling, or do they look annoyed? Are they leaning in or trying to back away? Do they seem confused, angry, or frustrated, or do you sense they appreciate and understand your message? You can use these nonverbal cues to adjust your message, delivery, and style when speaking in order to improve your communication in the future.
- When you feel anxiety about communicating, conscious breathing can be the refreshing pause that allows you to regain your confidence and poise and calm your nerves.
- You need to make a worthwhile contribution to a conversation in order to appear (and feel) credible and on top of your game.
- If you have to communicate something difficult or complicated, be sure you're able to break it down so your listener( s) can understand your message.
- "The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched—they must be felt with the heart." ~ Helen Keller
- The key to confidence in your appearance is self-acceptance.
- Acceptance of yourself as you really are –flaws and all "I completely accept and love myself as I am, whatever my imperfections may be."
- "Happy is he who acts as the Columbus to his own soul." ~ Sir J. Stephen
- lifelong learning has measurable benefits from the very moment you begin.
- Anyone can be creative—you don't have to an artist or craftsman.
- Practicing creativity floods your psyche with confidence, as you discover the depths of your imagination.
- Your EQ is your emotional intelligence quotient. It is made up of four core skills: self-awareness, self-management, social awareness, and relationship management.
- "I speak two languages, Body and English." ~ Mae West
- A large percentage of communication and how people perceive you comes from body language.
- More importantly, when you practice powerful, positive body language, you're sending messages to your brain to reinforce positive, confident feelings. Confident body language actually makes you feel more confident.
- Good posture also reflects a confident demeanor to others. When you stand straight, with your shoulders back and head held high, you look self-assured and poised.
- Fidgeting sends the message loud and clear that you aren't self-assured.
- When eye contact goes from gazing to staring, it makes people uncomfortable and actually activates their sympathetic nervous system.
- Look them in the eye for about 50–60 percent of the conversation ideally.
- When you break eye contact, look to the side rather than down. Looking down signals lower-status, shame, and/ or submission.
- "Begin challenging your own assumptions. Your assumptions are your windows on the world. Scrub them off every once in awhile, or the light won't come in." ~ Alan Alda
- Changing your thoughts is the most essential aspect of boosting your confidence. Your thoughts create your reality.
- The optimal way to approach creating confidence is by changing your thoughts and your behavior at the same time, even if you have feelings of fear or doubt.
- Taking confident action helps solidify your new thoughts, as it provides tangible evidence your thoughts are true and reinforces your mental efforts.
- Steps:Awareness is always the first step toward change.
- As you become aware of patterns of negative thinking, your goal is to break the patterns.
- You are taking control of your thoughts and retraining your brain.
- Interrupting negative thoughts and replacing them with positive ones is a powerful tool for change. You can reinforce this practice with action.
- Action prevents you from getting stuck in negative thought loops, and it has the further advantage of allowing you to do something productive or useful. Taking control of your thoughts, deciding to take action, and accomplishing something useful all add to your confidence.
- Limiting beliefs often go back to childhood experiences, and the pain that accompanies the beliefs makes it very difficult to disengage from them. However, when you challenge these beliefs and shine the light of truth on them, you can begin to loosen the stronghold they have on you and your confidence.
- Mindful action and attention trains your brain to stay in the only reality available to us—the present moment.
- Visualization fosters better performance and outcomes in all areas of life that require preparedness and forethought.
- It's difficult to add fun and adventure to your life when it's crammed full of activities and obligations. Often we have the mindset we must be busy with something "productive" every minute of the day. The more we have on our plates, the more obligated we feel to keep the plates spinning. However, much of the busyness in our lives is unnecessary. It has nothing to do with our values or our vision for who we want to be and how we want to live.
- Material things can drain our energy. As we accumulate more and more, we have to spend more time caring for and maintaining these things.
- "Money is only a tool. It will take you wherever you wish, but it will not replace you as the driver." ~ Ayn Rand
- Whether someone is highly-educated and working in a prestigious profession or as a blue-collar employee, confidence has been proven to be a determining factor for making a better income.
- The feelings of low confidence don't define you or your essential worth. Everyone lacks confidence from time to time, and most people have pockets of insecurities that hold them back in certain parts of their lives. But remember, you don't have to be perfect to be successful, happy, and confident. Confidence is a state of mind that allows you to accept failures and flaws, move past them, and to even learn from them.
- Confidence is a skill you can learn, practice, and improve over time, just like any other skill.
No comments:
Post a Comment