Cutting Loose Toxic People

The line for this week is...

"Cut Loose The Ones Who Bring You Down."

Man, this is hard to do, isn't it?

It seems we don't have any problems in life adding friends to our list, but to take people off that list is hard isn't it.

Why do you think that is?

Do you think we don't want to hurt people's feelings?

Or, maybe we don't want them to think they are cutting it with us.

Or, maybe it's just because we don't want to deal with the fall out of "what might" happen.

I find this interesting because in today's society we have this hard time letting someone we perceive as our friend go, but at the same time, we don't have any problem with "Ghosting" someone we've had an intimate relationship with.

Where has the world and society gone that an intimate relationship means less or not equal to a friendship?

Isn't that weird...

Think about that for a second...

You have no problem "Ghosting" someone you have had an intimate relationship with, but you can't cut a friend out of your list because you guys have a friendship.

Besides the fact that that is so backward and just messed up this post today is about how to let people go who aren't your friends.

To be honest I think people make this a whole lot harder then it has to be.

I think in society and the world today people are so used to putting on a mask and not wanting to hurt anyone feelings (cause heaven forbid if someone's "feelings" get hurt today) that they just let people hang on because they don't want to deal with the problem.

As we talked about in the last post about "True Friends" if a person is not living up to those qualities and trying to add value to your life why are you keeping them around?

Are they really your friends?  The answer is "No".

And if they are not your friend then why treat them that way?

Treat them as an acquaintance because let's be honest with ourselves that is what they truly are.

Are acquaintances bad?  No, they are aren't but learn to tell the difference between your acquaintances and friends. It's important to know the difference.

So how exactly do you get rid of someone who isn't a "True Friend" and maybe is just an acquaintance?

I think it's really pretty easy.

Make yourself a list of all the people you would consider to be your "friends" and ask yourself a few quick questions.

  • What does this person bring to the table that makes my life better?
  • Has this person been there for me in the past when no one else was?
  • Is this person worth me investing my time in?
  • Does this person have my best interests at heart even if it's not always best for them?

If you've answered "No" to any one of these quick questions above then maybe this person isn't a "True Friend" to you and maybe they should be moved from your "True Friend" list and moved to your "Acquaintances" list.

Now you are probably sitting there thinking to yourself right now...

So great, now I know who needs to come off of my "True Friends" list and move to my "Acquaintances" list but how do I do that?

This my friends is how you make it happen.

Be honest and upfront with this person and let them know...

"I really appreciate the time we've spent together and chance I've had to get to know you but I'm making some life changes right now and I'm evaluating my current life in all aspects and I'm making some changes.  As I work through those changes I hope you can be patient and understanding as I'm making these changes to make myself better and to realign myself with how I want to be going forward and in the future."

Then you start the gradual process of moving them from your current "Friend" list to your "Acquaintance" list. 

Most people can understand a person trying to better themselves and get themselves in order so this shouldn't be a hard concept for thing for them to grasp and understand.

If it is a hard concept or hard for them to understand then that is a topic for another post, but I would say most people will be understanding and know you're trying to better your self. 

Often times the change is about ourselves and doesn't really have anything to do with the other person per-say and if you can help the other person understand that, then it usually makes it easier for them to accept and get on board with what you are trying to do.

So, my friends, I think as you start to put the people in your life in their proper places you will see some major changes in your life.

You might think this is harsh or mean at first, but I'm willing to bet that if you go through this process one time that you will see what kind of an impact it will have on your life and thus it will make doing this a lot easier for you in the future.

And honestly, at the end of the day, anything that makes your life better even if it hard or scary to do at first is worth the time and the effort it takes to see a positive change in your life.

At least that is the way I see it.

- Do me a favor before you go...

Leave me a comment down below if you plan to try this and out, and if you do try it out let me know how it works for you.

*I hope this post has brought you some value. If it has please feel free to share it with anyone else you think could get some value from it.

1 comment:

  1. Great post! As always. I do plan on trying your advice out.